With the arrival of Leonid Slutsky at the KC this summer, we figured some of the Hull faithful may feel like going that extra mile during Football matches to make him feel at home. But how to make your stadium atmosphere legit Slav? If the Boothferry Boys, or anyone else for that matter, wants to be as Russian as possible this season, they just need to follow our easy 5 step guide to Slav it up. Spoiler alert; pyro not necessary.
Munch Sunflower Seeds
Queuing for half-time pies sucks, and they always disappoint. Comrades, time for a revolution. Get down the kiosk (or Tesco if need be) before the game to buy a generous sized bag of sunflower seeds to nibble on during the game. Bonus Slav Points for purposefully dropping the shells all around your seat.
Can’t avoid this one lads. Gender roles are still very traditional in the Slav World, so if you wanna be masculine, you gotta get lifting to have a masculine physique. Press, Pull, Clench, Raise. Add 20lbs each session and pump your body full of additional hormones. Don’t worry about tight abs, just focus on looking like a walking boulder.
Wear Fake Adidas
Let’s be honest. No one is impressed by Stone Island jackets any more. It doesn’t make you a hardman. It makes you a follower. Save yourself £££s and get yourself some bootleg black sweatpants for game day. The more stripes the better; 3 is conventional, 4 is ostentatious, 5 is kinky.
A big one. Whenever you’re not climbing on the railings, bouncing around or battling the police, get your squat on. Place your feet on the edge of the terrace. Keep both feet flat on the floor. Bend your knees slowly as you bring your body down and thrust both arms forward over your knees to maintain balance. Sorted.
Hard men don’t hide from the cold. Hard men don’t hide at all; get that shirt off when you’re in the block to show the opposition how damn tough you are. Don’t worry about hypothermia; it’s a small price to pay to look as Russian as fuck.
3 thoughts on “Slav It Up”
Another comical post! Keep it up 🙂
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As a slavic football fan I fully endorse this post.
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Cheers pal. We’ve not had as many game-day trips to Slavic countries as we would have liked yet, so if you feel like guest writing a post for us, we’d be massively appreciative 😉