We brought you our ode to the London clubs. We brought you our ode to the Yorkshire clubs. Now it’s time to put down on paper the way we feel about our Bundesliga-Brüder.

Mainz fans are c**ts.

Schalke fans are aggressive c**ts.

Frankfurt fans are violent c**ts.

Bremen fans are left-wing c**ts.

Hoffenheim fans are sellout c**ts.

Gladbach fans are shithole-small-town c**ts.

Leverkusen fans are c**ts who all work for the same company.

Ingolstadt fans are c**ts wearing Lederhosen.

Darmstadt fans are c**ts that only want to beat Frankfurt.

RB Leipzig have no fans. Just c**ts.

Köln fans are c**ts who prefer Karneval to Football.

Bayern fans are c**ts who think they are at the very centre of the Football universe.

Hertha fans are c**ts with an inferiority complex and a chip on their shoulder.

Hamburg fans are c**ts who are long overdue relegation.

Freiburg fans are c**ts too far away to bother visiting on an Away Day.

Dortmund fans are c**ts you support by default in the Champions League.

Augsburg fans are c**ts speaking in a dialect you don’t understand.

Wolfsburg fans are c**ts manipulating their emissions readings in order to comply with EU law.

…. and not forgetting ….

Stuttgart and Hannover fans are c**ts that still can’t believe they are not included in this list. Union Berlin fans are c**ts who know they will be on this list next season, but probably can’t afford it. Dresden fans are c**ts with amazing support whichever league they find themselves in. But c**ts nevertheless.

fbtg